


KnB Drabbles

by bisexualkiseryouta



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, GINORMOUS DORKS, Kuroko is a girl's best friend, M/M, Momoi and Kuroko are a perfect friend ship, PIZZA EVERYWHERE, Pizza, These guys are dorks, and Kuroko is just cool with it, and go shopping, and have sleepovers, and then Aomine is like wtf, appearances from my fave OC, hahaha, i guess, idk - Freeform, if you're reading this i'm proud of you, jeez i sound stupid, just a bunch of drabble stuff, like he don't even care, momoi and kuroko are bros, that needs to be a thing in fics, they paint each other's nails, things i write when i have writer's block
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2092338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualkiseryouta/pseuds/bisexualkiseryouta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a bunch of little fics I write when I am bored or having writer's block or just feel like writing about these dorks~ no chronological order or previous planning to speak of- WOOT, WOOT!</p>
<p>Expect idiocy and dorkiness to a whole new level~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kuroko is a Girl's Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aomine goes downstairs to see what the hell Satsuki is doing in his house, only to find a sight that he was definitely NOT prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there peoples! So, since I've been having super duper crappy writer's block lately, I decided to start collecting the little snippets of crack/fluff I write for KnB here~
> 
> I made up this chapter when I was writing my detective story- except with one of my OC's instead of Momoi-, but I really wanted to have Aomine come downstairs to find Satsuki and Tetsu being gal pals with his mom because OH MY GOSH COME ON WOULD THAT NOT BE PERFECT??? And Kuroko would just be totally cool with it, 'cos he and Momoi are bros (or at least I imagine them to be) with or without Ahomine. I was going to add Kise in (because WHY THE HECK NOT, YOU KNOW) but instead I had Aomine's mom, because, like, IT WAS PERFECT!
> 
> Okay, so, enjoy, and whatnot~

"Oi, Satsuki, what are you-" Aomine stops dead in his tracks as a most, er, um,  _unpleasant_ sight assaults his eyes.

Per usual, Momoi somehow managed to get in his house without being let in ( _damn it, mom_ ) by him, and had set up shop in his living room to do whatever it is she does when he's ignoring her but still insists on hanging around his house. Usually, that meant he'd come down and see her playing some dumb, excessively colorful video game for kids between the ages of four and twelve, or watching one of those make-you-want-to-barf-from-all-the-touchy-feelies romantic movies and crying her eyes out while cuddling a box of tissues. _  
_

This is about twenty million times worse.

"Hello, Aomine-kun." A certain light-blue-haired boy says coolly, which seems entirely inappropriate for the situation. Because-  _Jesus Christ, is he wearing nail polish?_ \- Momoi is hovering by the poor kid with a makeup kit she apparently doesn't know how to use and a devilish grin that makes Aomine unconsciously back up a step.

"Oh, Dai-chan! Tetsu-kun and I have been waiting for you to come down; we had to tell you..." The pink-haired girl turns back to her companion, brow furrowed. "What did we have to tell him again?"

As the two debate about what the hell they need to tell Aomine- because,  _apparently_ , both forgot-, Aomine stares in horror at his best friend, who has bright red nail polish on his fingernails and about a pound of eyeliner and mascara surrounding his eyes; add in the dark blue eyeshadow Satsuki's applying, and the kid looks like he's got two black eyes! Kuroko seems totally oblivious to the horrific display on his face, or at least doesn't care, because he's talking in his normal, monotone voice and  _no normal person should be speaking so casually with a makeup job like that_. But, Tetsu isn't normal, the best piece of evidence being that he actually  _allowed_ Satsuki to put makeup on his face.

The living room is a complete disaster area- powder in a thin film over almost every surface, an overturned bottle of blue nailpolish on the coffee table, pizza boxes littering the floor, and a gag-worthy romance movie starring a vampire dude with messy hair is playing on the TV.

"Shit, Satsuki! What the hell have you been doing in here? This place is a fucking mess!" Aomine runs a hand through his hair in frustration, mind running through the various excuses he could give his mom because  _damn it she was going to be pissed_! "Dai-chan," Momoi gasps, looking scandalized, "language!"

"Aomine-kun should not curse so much." Tetsu chimes in. The boy proceeds to casually blow on his fingernails, acting like he gets his nails painted every freakin' day. "Shut up-" Aomine freezes again as a woman with a thick layer of green goop on her face walks in, dark blue hair up in curlers, wearing only a powder pink robe. "Daiki, are you going to join us?" his mother asks like the idea of her hanging out with Satsuki and  _freaking Kuroko Tetsuya_ is an average occurrence that shouldn't freak him out one bit.

"We're just about to start painting each others' toenails!" Momoi squeals, Kuroko nodding solemnly behind her, lips twitched up slightly in amusement-  _bastard!_ "No way in hell! I'm going back to my room!"

The three watch Aomine storm back up the stairs, grumbling under his breath.

Aomine's mother turns to her son's two best friends, eyes gliding over Kuroko's poorly made up face. "Oh, Satsuki, you used a bit too much eyeshadow! Here, let me show you." The woman sits crosslegged in front of the bluenette, tongue sticking out as she wipes off the excess makeup, Momoi watching from over her shoulder, nodding and taking notes.

All the while, Kuroko sits there, perfectly calm, not bothered in the least by how the women are piling pounds of makeup on his face.

Kuroko really is a girl's best friend~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR OOCNESS OKAY I WANTED THIS I JUST WANTED THIS LIKE DUDE WHAT GIRL WOULD NOT WANT THEIR OWN KUROKO TO DRESS UP AND PAINT THE NAILS OF?!?!? _:(´□`」 ∠):_
> 
> AND HE WOULD BE TOTALLY CHILL ABOUT IT, AND HE'D BE LIKE AN EXPERT AT PAINTING NAILS HIMSELF, AND HE'D DO ALL THOSE FANCY NAIL ART THINGS AND HE'D LET THEM BRAID HIS HAIR AND HE'D PAT THEIR BACKS WHEN THEY'D START CRYING DURING CHICK FLICKS AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> But, yeah, I feel like Kuroko and Momoi should be super close, but in a friends type of way, and sometimes Kise joins the party just because.


	2. The Drunken Adventures of Satsuki and Tetsu: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aomine gets stuck picking up two drunk idiots and waiting forever for a cab, before calling that Bakagami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO I HEAR PEOPLE ASKING FOR A DRUNK FIC? NO?  
> TOO BAD, HERE'S A DRUNK FIC!!!!!  
> Oh my gosh, I enjoyed writing this so much! Like, I was going to make Kuroko a really sassy drunk at first, but then I decided to make him drunk text Kise, because why not??? Slight KiKuro at the end, super pissy Aomine, Kagami is the only person with a damn car apparently~ Please enjoy the fruits of my overactive imagination, hehehe~

"Damn it, Satsuki! You're fucking drunk!"

"No, nuh-un," the pink-haired girl slurs, leaning heavily on her childhood friend, "you, I think, yer, yer drunk!" Momoi cackles like that's the funniest thing she's ever heard, only stopping when she hiccups. "Dai-chan's a m-mean drunk, I bet. Although, I bet thaz not very much of a ch-change! Haha, right, Tetsu-kun?" The two turn to look at the other boy, who's been staring very intently at a light post since Aomine came to pick up the two idiots.

"I believe you're correct, Momoi-san," Kuroko nods solemnly, like the topic of Aomine's personality when drunk is something to really worry about. "He- *hic*- prob'ly- *hic*- kicks babies, er puppies, er somethin'." Momoi adds, snorting so hard she has to bend over to catch her breath, wobbling and leaning even more heavily on Aomine. "Dai-chan, you're a real- *hic*- real jerk, sometimes, ya know? And, thaz, thaz not fair to me, or, or Tetsu, ya know? Like, we've been *hic* together, s-since middle school, and you're still a total *hic* asshole. Like, when's that even gonna change?"

"Oi!" Aomine barks, making Kuroko's glazed eyes slide from the lamp post to the taller boy, who Momoi is clinging to like he's a life preserver, "is that anything to say to someone who came to get your drunk asses? Why the hell were you even at that party, anyways?"

Momoi doesn't respond- she's too busy bent over, giggling like a maniac, sputtering out incoherent jokes-, so Aomine looks to Tetsu, who stares blankly at him for a moment. "Momoi-san received an invitation from one of the members of the fraternity, and she invited me along."

"And you both decided to get sloshed?!"

"No," Kuroko frowns, eyebrows drawing together, edges of his lips pulling down, and it looks like this frown is taking a lot of effort for the guy. "They told us it was non-alcoholic beer. Apparently, that was not true."

"Damn straight it wasn't!" Aomine narrowly saves Momoi from face-planting on the concrete after she attempted to spin around on her high heels. "Why the hell did you let her drink so much? Didn't you fucking notice you were getting drunk? Tetsu- hey, what the fuck!" When Aomine finally looks back to his best friend, he finds him with his limbs wrapped around the lamp post, cheek pressed against the metal, big blue eyes watching Aomine indifferently. "I feel very warm, and the metal is cold." Kuroko states.

"Oh my god, Tezu, thaz so smart," Momoi slurs, stumbling over to stand beside Kuroko and the lamp post. "I'm hot too, lemme feel." She proceeds to shove her own cheek against the lamp post, letting out a relieved sigh, shutting up for the first time since Aomine found the two outside the frat house, Momoi trying to convince Kuroko to help her climb on the roof.

 "Damn it, where's that cab?" Aomine pulls out his phone, grunting in annoyance when he finds it's been thirty minutes since he called them.  _We'll get here in a hurry my ass_. "Should I just walk them home then?" He turns to his friends.

"Oh *hic* my gosh, Tezu, your hair is so- so soft. Like, how. How'd you do that? I wanna touch it, can I, can I touch it?" Momoi says as she runs her hands over Kuroko's hair before burying her nose in the silky, blue locks. "Whoa, Tetsu, it smells like- it smells like good smells. Wha-what shampoo, do you use?"

 _Yeah, no, not walking these dumbasses home- one of them's bound to get run over or something._ Aomine looks both ways down the dark street, seeing no headlights in either direction.  _Shit... I guess we're just gonna have to wait._

"Aomine-kun."

Aomine jumps, letting out a yelp at how Kuroko is able to sneak up on him even when he's fucking  _drunk_ , before letting out an angry reply that's something like "what the hell is it". "Kagami-kun has a car. You could call him to pick us up."

"Bakagami has a car. That's got to be some kind of fucking safety hazard." But Aomine still flicks through his contacts until he finds the idiot's number, yelling at Satsuki to stop kissing the lamp post before pressing the phone to his ear.

It rings for a while, and Aomine is getting pissed because, damn it, why the hell does he have to be the one to deal with a drunk Satsuki and equally drunk Tetsu? Haven't that idiot Kagami and Tetsu been thick as thieves since high school- hell, they share an apartment together! Why's it gotta be him?

"Oi, bastard, it's two in the morning!" Kagami yells through the phone, finally picking up.

"Oh,  _sorry_ , did I interrupt your beauty sleep?" Aomine barks, voice dripping with sarcasm, "We need a ride, asshole."

"We?"

"Satsuki, Tetsu, and me; our fucking cab is late, and these two are drunk of their asses."

"Wait, Kuroko's  _drunk_?" Aomine has to smirk at how shocked Kagami sounds.

"Yeah, so get your ass down here." Aomine hangs up after giving Bakagami some half-assed directions. "Okay, so-  _Satsuki! Don't lick the fucking pole!_ " The pink-haired girl freezes with her tongue stuck out, the tip of it only an inch from the lamp post, and turns her head slowly to look at her friend. "Dai-chan~" she suddenly tackles him, wrapping her arms around him, while he just stands there with a  _what the fuck is even happening anymore_ expression on his face. "Ya know, I love you, D-Dai-chan, right? You can just be a big *hic* jerk sometimes." she mumbles into his shirt.

Meanwhile, Kuroko is standing by the lamp post, one hand in his pocket, the other holding his phone. Probably drunk texting someone.

Aomine lets out a loud,  _you two so fucking owe me for this_ sigh, patting Satsuki's back a little too hard to be considered comforting. Kuroko continues to type quickly on his phone, blue eyes wide and almost feverish. "Tetsu, what *hic* whatcha doing?" Momoi asks when she finally stumbles away from Aomine to return to molesting Kuroko's hair. "I'm texting Kise-kun."

"Texting him what?"

"Nothing."

"Aw, c'mon, t-tell me Tetsu~" Momoi tries to pry the phone from the boy's hand, but gives up in favor of plopping down on the sidewalk, groaning and moaning about high heels as she rips of her shoes and starts rubbing her feet.

Kagami appears not too long later and, much to Aomine's surprise, the American returnee doesn't seem to be a totally crap driver- he's not going down the wrong side of the street, at least. "Tetsu, Satsuki, get in the car," he demands, pointing to the backseat because he doesn't need Kuroko doing something stupid and distracting Kagami into driving them off a cliff or some shit. "But, Dai-chan~"

"Now."

Aomine rubs his forehead as he sits in the passenger's seat of Bakagami's car, listening to Momoi squeal "I'm gonna eat your face 'cos Imma dragon- RAWR" in the backseat while Kuroko continues drunk texting on his phone and Kagami watches the two in the rear view mirror with his own  _what the fuck is going on here_ expression.

* * *

Kise wakes up the next morning to find his phone full of texts from Kurokocchi.

**2:41 AM** _Kise-kun, are you awake?_

**2:50 AM**   _Aomine says Momoi-san and I are drunk._

**2:52 AM** _Kise-kun, Momoi-san said to tell you she's a dragon._

**2:55 AM**   _She also says to tell you your hair is soft like a baby duck's._

**2:56 AM** _I can confirm your hair is soft like a baby duck's._ _  
_

**3:01 AM**   _Kagami-kun says I have to go to sleep now._

**3:02 AM** _Good night, Kise-kun._

**3:03 AM**   _I love you, Kise-kun. And your baby duck hair._

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh?" Kise drops the cellphone in his lap, hiding his bright red face behind his hands.  _What? Kurokocchi loves me? What do I say? Sh-should I tell him I love him back?_ While Kise is overthinking Kuroko's drunk texts, his phone vibrates with a new message.

 **9:32 AM**   _Kise-kun, please do not look at any of my messages from last night. I was intoxicated. I apologize._

"Nooooooooooooooo, Kurokocchiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~" Kise whines. "I love you, toooooooooooooooooooo~"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOSE DRUNK TEXTS WERE REALLY BAD I'M SORRY I'M SORRY TO ALL OF YOU AND BABY DUCKS AND THE CHARACTERS LIKE WHAT EVEN BUT I STILL HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND I KNOW KISE'S REACTION AT THE END WASN'T GREAT BUT MAMA NEEDS HER KIKURO OKAY? OKAY.
> 
> Also, I love the whole KuroMomo friendship or whatever; I find it amazing. And then Aomine's just like pissed off and shocked that he's friends with these idiots, but he still loves them and would always come to save them~


	3. Momoi Takes Monopoly Seriously

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Momoi has imposed a "family game night" on her three best guys, and what starts out as a game of poker turns into a heated war over Monopoly.

"Let's play strip poker!"

"Momoi-san, at the rate you're going, you'll be naked within the first few rounds."

"Ehhhhhhh?" The pink-haired girl gasps in astonishment, oblivious to Kagami, who's slapping his forehead and muttering something not-so-polite under his breath. Kuroko nods solemnly. "You've lost every time so far. Every time."

"Aw! It's just because poker is super duper hard!" Momoi tosses her cards on the table, crossing her arms in annoyance. "Why can't we play an easier game? Like, um. Like," Momoi's eyes brighten as she thinks of something, excitement evident in her voice, "Monopoly! Oh my gosh, I haven't played monopoly in forever! What about you, Tetsu-kun?" The light blue-haired boy shakes his head. "Ooh, then we definitely,  _definitely_  have to!"

Aomine and Kagami let out simultaneous groans; what had started out as a one-on-one at the basketball court had turned into a "family game night" when Momoi and Kuroko saw them on their way back from shopping.

_"Why the hell were you even shopping with Satsuki?" Aomine asks as Momoi walks ahead to annoy the crap out of Kagami and give Kuroko and Aomine some time to talk. Mostly just to annoy Kagami though._

_"I go shopping with Momoi-san a lot; she says Kise-kun is too busy and that you whine like a brat whenever she takes you anywhere."_

_"I do not!" Aomine huffs indignantly, crossing his arms and glaring at his childhood friend._

_"Whatever you say, Aomine-kun."_

_"Oi, Tetsu!"_

Momoi flees from the table, squealing about monopoly and winning and stripping and whatnot, while Kagami turns to look at Kuroko. "I didn't know you and Momoi were so close." He comments, raising one of his (in Aomine's opinion) weird ass eyebrows questioningly. "Mm," is the only response he gets.

"Tetsu and Satsuki have been friends since middle school," Aomine drawls lazily, tossing his own cards down on the table, a hand so perfect that he definitely would have won the match if they'd continued (Kagami was seriously starting to wonder if that guy was cheating or was just super lucky). "They have girls' nights and paint their toenails and watch soap operas and shit."

"What?" Kagami blinks for a moment, his slow brain taking a while to process this information, "You paint your nails? What the hell, Kuroko?"

Said boy looks completely unfazed by his best friend's shock. "Mm. It is quite relaxing."

Before either of his friends can formulate a response, Momoi is back at the table, carrying a battered Monopoly box like a religious relic or something. "This is going to be so fun! I always used to destroy Dai-chan in monopoly!"

"Satsuki, that's bullshit." Aomine growls. He then proceeds to fumble with the plastic bag she tosses at him, before pulling out his game piece of choice: the cowboy. This wins him a  _are you really fucking serious_ look from a disapproving redhead. "Who the hell picks the cowboy hat? So lame." Kagami clucks his tongue in disappointment. "Oh, and you're so much better with the  _car_? What are you,  _twelve_?" The disdain Aomine manages to pack into the word 'car' is almost admirable; Kuroko has never heard someone so passionately hateful about an automobile.

"Boys, boys, you're both pretty! Can I pick my piece now?" Momoi holds her hand out for the bag, giving them a sickeningly sweet smile, and the boys are shocked but Momoi takes Monopoly  _very_ seriously.

"Hm, which one do you want, Tetsu-kun?"

"I'd like the dog, Momoi-san."

"Ooh, perfect! Then I'll take the thimble!"

A moment later, and all four pieces- cowboy hat, car, dog, and thimble- are placed on go and the proper amount of money has been distributed to each player by Momoi, who's the banker, because Kagami and Aomine can't be trusted and Kuroko would just be forced to physically ward off the two idiots who'd try to bully/beg him to give them cash.

Things start out as expected- Momoi buys up as much property as she can, Aomine and Kagami have a bidding war over B & O Railroads (idiots), and Kuroko repeatedly lands on Community Chest or Chance, somehow managing to get the best cards every time.

"Ooh, Dai-chan~"

Aomine pauses in his argument with Bakagami to turn to his childhood friend, who's smiling at him evilly. "What the fuck is it, Satsuki?" Kuroko silently wonders if his friend has the ability to even say a single sentence without a slur of curse words in it as Momoi gestures to the place he landed on. "I own Oriental Avenue  _and_ I have a house on it. Cough up my fifty bucks."

"What-?" Aomine and Kagami refocus on the board to find that Momoi has three monopolies and has bought a place for each color, making it impossible for anyone else to get a monopoly on anything, besides Kuroko who has one on the two super cheap places no one ever wants. "When the hell did that happen?!"

"Oh, you know, while you and Kagamin were bickering like an old married couple," Momoi examines her cuticles critically, totally casual and nonchalant about her total domination of the game, before her eyes slide up to meet Aomine's. "Now, Dai-chan, be a sweetie and give me the money, or I'll have to ask Tetsu-kun to beat you into submission." She bats her eyelashes innocently, but both Kagami and Aomine feel a chill in the air-  _she's terrifying!_

"Ooh, you know what would make this game even more interesting?" Momoi mentions as she counts out the bills Aomine gave her, "we should raise the stakes."

* * *

And that, dear children, is how Aomine and Kagami ended up running naked through the neighborhood while Momoi and Kuroko trailed behind, Momoi laughing her ass off so hard she almost collapses on the ground, Kuroko casually filming them with his cell phone, regardless of the many death threats the two throw at him. "Oh my- oh my god! Tetsu-kun, j-just look at them!" Momoi holds her sides tightly, cackling loudly. "They're s-such idiots!"

As bad of an idea as it was to make the bet, Aomine and Kagami took it because of their damn competitiveness. And, for some reason, Kuroko was exempt from running around naked with them, even though he lost as well. "Shit, shit, shit," Aomine chants as they run past a house and the homeowner walks out, staring blankly at the two muscular, naked, high school boys running in front of his house. "Damn it! Satsuki and Tetsu are gonna pay for this!" he grits out, feeling wind brushing past places wind should definitely  _not_ be brushing against.

"Shut up and keep running, bastard!" Kagami yells, speeding up, and Aomine gets a completely unwanted view of Seirin's ace's ass.

"Fucking Satsuki!"

Meanwhile, Momoi has to sit down on the sidewalk and calm herself to keep from injuring herself. "Momoi-san," the pink-haired girl looks up to see her best friend- and, yes, she can firmly say that Kuroko Tetsuya  _is_ her best friend- who's holding up his phone with a proud smile on his face. "Would you like to watch the video before I send it to Kise and the others?"

"Oh, Tetsu-kun, you are absolutely  _wicked_!" she giggles. The two exchange a high five before they settle down and watch the video as the two idiots continued their naked lap around the neighborhood, everything flapping in the evening breeze.

 


End file.
